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Chinese doctors report that that they successfully transplanted a penis from a donor they thought was brain dead to a guy who lost his in an "accident." Reports by our private dick's, during a secret investigation tell a different story however, as it turns out the recipient of the new schlong was none other than Richard Wayne Bobbitt, son of the infamous John Wayne Bobbitt. You may remember him from the 90's as the poor schmuck that had his member whacked off by his Lithuanian wife Lorena while he slept.

It seems as though this kind of thing runs in the family because Richard's wife Roweena, also Lithuanian, took a lesson from step mom Lorena and cut off Richard's member while he was passed out after a drunken altercation when he couldn't perform "up" to her standards on the eve of their second anniversary. Roweena Bobbitt was quoted later as saying, "well if the dick can't get it up any more what good is it?" Good point!

There are two major problems with this story. The first is that the actual donor of the transplanted penis, a 22-year old man, reportedly in a brain-dead coma, later awakened to find he had been "shafted" by his ex wife. Turns out he had just passed out from a binge with the bottle. He is now suing the ex and the doctors who cut it off.

Problem number two is that Richard and his wife experienced "psychological" problems and less than two weeks after the surgery had his new member whacked off. Once again our private dick's went back on the case and uncovered the real reason for the removal. The truth was finally revealed during a hidden camera investigation as Roweena's hysterical laughter pierced the quiet night of their trailer park, and her shouts of "pencil dick" reverberated throughout the land. It was just too small by Roweena's standards and at press time she was reportedly seen entering a morgue in Africa.

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I agree with John Wilker on this subject, unfortunately those "all about me" folks are not limited to just the dickheads that bring a steamer trunk to the airport and call it carry on baggage. That's just our focus for now.

If you have been traveling for a while, you have seen the example of carry on size limitations in the jetway as you approach the aircraft door. It says, "if your bag fits in this, it's a carry on" or something to that effect. I would estimate that 98% of today's "carry ons" would not even be close.

I remember the days of small carry on bags. Not so long ago, travelers trusted their main luggage to the cargo hold and only kept toiletries and bare necessities with them in the cabin in case their luggage was "misplaced." Flight attendents are lobbying to correct this situation as it is dangerous and a contributor to air rage.

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Has there ever been a hurricane named Dick? Since our politically correct process decided that it was anti-female to name these huge storms after women and started naming them after men, I can't recall if the name Dick has ever been used for a hurricane

However, this guy, doing a pretty good George Bush impersonation will tell you all about Hurricane Dick – hilarious!

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Champions Tour at the En-joie golf course. Dick's Open golf tournament finished with a spurt of classic shooting by Open champ Lonnie Nielson, setting a new tournament record of 21 under. The consensus was that Dick's Sporting Goods is a great sponsor with the balls to go the distance, golf balls, that is.

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I always suspected those British folks were a bit off, cool accents and all, I guess it just rains too much in the UK. Maybe that's why they can eat stuff like Spotted Dick, because it's a sponge pudding, ha ha! Take it out of the can, use it to mop up the leaks and munch away. I can think of about a hundred things I would rather eat for desert than this stuff. If anyone has any comments about the taste feel free to offer your opinion.

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Words to live by

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This is a hilarious video of an amazing product.

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I love this commercial for Dick's Sporting Goods.

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One Of My All-Time Favorite Sports Dicks

Now there is a guy you wouldn't want to mess with, especially by teasing him about his name! In the game of football he made Bad Bad Leroy Brown look like Clay Aiken on a bad day. He ate nails for breakfast and honed his killer instincts by rubbing Icy Hot into his jock before every game. What do you think made him so mean for nine years in the NFL anyway?

Yes, even as a child, Dick was a stone cold maniac (as Deacon Jones would say) but because of his size and upbringing he was determined to turn the other cheek. He was tormented by the same kind of idiots us Dicks have faced all our lives with Hey, Dickweed, Yo, Dickhead, any of us Dicks can relate to that, right?

Dick Butkus Greatest Hits

When Dick discovered football and took out some of that frustration on the field people started getting it. The smart ones never made fun of his name again – the not so smart ones, well, watch the video and imagine being faced by an out of control steam roller.

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It was my wife that couldn't get over the fact that we were in the land of giant rock formations resembling, well, you know. Actually the title here is a bit mis-leading, not all of the giant rock formations at Arches National Park inspire the interpretation we laid on it. It was a beautiful day in Utah, the next thing you know someones mind went right in the gutter.

Good thing I was there to record the evidence, the resemblance is amazing. And when we got back to the RV, WOW!

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