Lindsay Who?

Lindsay Lohan posin for Playboy ain't got nothing on Frostina, the Snowperson. Yes folks…in the spirit of another wonderful season of politically correct Christmas's or X'mas's (depending on your point of view),  we here in Dick Land are proud to present our very own:

Frostina The Snowperson!

Playperson's Newest Centerfold – and guaranteed to offend almost any gender!

Brought to you by: DICKS SPORTING GOODS

Frostina the Snowperson

With Christmas wishes to Dick's throughout this great land!

Are they or aren't they?

Frostina The Snowperson smokin a fatty

Merry Christmas All!

Happy Holidays!

Image by The Michael via Flickr

Chinese doctors report that that they successfully transplanted a penis from a donor they thought was brain dead to a guy who lost his in an "accident." Reports by our private dick's, during a secret investigation tell a different story however, as it turns out the recipient of the new schlong was none other than Richard Wayne Bobbitt, son of the infamous John Wayne Bobbitt. You may remember him from the 90's as the poor schmuck that had his member whacked off by his Lithuanian wife Lorena while he slept.

It seems as though this kind of thing runs in the family because Richard's wife Roweena, also Lithuanian, took a lesson from step mom Lorena and cut off Richard's member while he was passed out after a drunken altercation when he couldn't perform "up" to her standards on the eve of their second anniversary. Roweena Bobbitt was quoted later as saying, "well if the dick can't get it up any more what good is it?" Good point!

There are two major problems with this story. The first is that the actual donor of the transplanted penis, a 22-year old man, reportedly in a brain-dead coma, later awakened to find he had been "shafted" by his ex wife. Turns out he had just passed out from a binge with the bottle. He is now suing the ex and the doctors who cut it off.

Problem number two is that Richard and his wife experienced "psychological" problems and less than two weeks after the surgery had his new member whacked off. Once again our private dick's went back on the case and uncovered the real reason for the removal. The truth was finally revealed during a hidden camera investigation as Roweena's hysterical laughter pierced the quiet night of their trailer park, and her shouts of "pencil dick" reverberated throughout the land. It was just too small by Roweena's standards and at press time she was reportedly seen entering a morgue in Africa.

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Image via Wikipedia

I agree with John Wilker on this subject, unfortunately those "all about me" folks are not limited to just the dickheads that bring a steamer trunk to the airport and call it carry on baggage. That's just our focus for now.

If you have been traveling for a while, you have seen the example of carry on size limitations in the jetway as you approach the aircraft door. It says, "if your bag fits in this, it's a carry on" or something to that effect. I would estimate that 98% of today's "carry ons" would not even be close.

I remember the days of small carry on bags. Not so long ago, travelers trusted their main luggage to the cargo hold and only kept toiletries and bare necessities with them in the cabin in case their luggage was "misplaced." Flight attendents are lobbying to correct this situation as it is dangerous and a contributor to air rage.

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Has there ever been a hurricane named Dick? Since our politically correct process decided that it was anti-female to name these huge storms after women and started naming them after men, I can't recall if the name Dick has ever been used for a hurricane

However, this guy, doing a pretty good George Bush impersonation will tell you all about Hurricane Dick – hilarious!

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• Stormy Forecast Lifts Trade in Hurricane Contracts (online.wsj.com)
• Hugh Hewitt: ""If we get a hurricane in the middle of this mess, then all bets are off." (hughhewitt.com)
• The Hold Steady – "Hurricane J" (stereogum.com)

Champions Tour at the En-joie golf course. Dick's Open golf tournament finished with a spurt of classic shooting by Open champ Lonnie Nielson, setting a new tournament record of 21 under. The consensus was that Dick's Sporting Goods is a great sponsor with the balls to go the distance, golf balls, that is.

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